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別了

別了墨爾本
別了
在只有3‘c 的寒冷冬季
白霧籠罩的清晨
我聽見了歸家的靴音
別了墨爾本
別了

寒夜

秋風寒夜
我把你給我的戒指翻在手裡
你曾說的愛我永遠
在那裡

秋風寒夜
我把心情捏在記憶裡
我曾以為的幸福
在那裡

秋風寒夜
我不經意的模糊了視野
我放棄了的愛情
在那裡

歸期

"今年該回來了吧?" 二姐隔着電話問着
"KL的屋子都丟空了快半年了﹐就等着你這個主人的歸來"
我停了半響
姐姐似乎知道我的心意﹐轉了話題
我的姐姐們永遠都是如此
對我的包含與容忍總是無限的

我記得大一那年﹐三姐發現了我的秘密後緊緊的抱着我痛哭了一個下午﹐淚行間沒有一句責怪我的字眼﹐反而一直在向我道歉"對不起﹐苦了你﹐這些日子來﹐苦了你﹐我是怎樣做姐姐的﹐竟要你在謊言下過日子﹐對不起。我是怎樣做姐姐的…"
我當時牢牢的擁着她請她原諒﹐我這家中唯一的男孩,竟然愛上別的男人﹐是我大逆不孝 .
我忘不了她撫摸着我的面頰﹐淚光盈盈說的那一席話
"不管你愛的是誰
你還是我最疼愛的弟弟﹐
我沒有辦法認同同性戀﹐但我肯定接受你
我答應你永遠替你保密"
這些年來﹐她的的確確守口如瓶﹐沒有難為過我

家﹐是想歸的
父母在,不遠行
而我在19歲就遠行至此﹐這是不孝

"我知道你答應過爸爸今年回國
但在國外若習慣了﹐你就看着辦吧"
母親接過電話說着

母親的大量﹐我不曉得如何去形容
印象中的母親是最明白事理的
這或許與她年輕時的經歷有關
她是外婆最疼愛的女兒
嫁給父親前﹐長年有貼身佣人侍候, 她的少女時代沒有洗過半個碗
外婆曾大力反對她嫁給窮困的父親
我出世前﹐她過了一段極艱辛的日子
我懂事以來﹐沒看過母親向家裡的佣人大聲說過一句話
她對外人如此﹐更不用說是對她的兒女了
她從來沒問過我的性取相
一個這樣精明的女子﹐怎麼可能看不出來他唯一的兒子有異于別人
她是不願為難我而已
"只要你開心就好﹐最重要是開心"
母親常常是這樣向我說的
她曾是革命一場才嫁給父親的
她的愛情有淚﹐得來不易
或許如此﹐她能夠體諒我的難處
她是誠誠懇懇的只要我開心度日

寫到這裡
我忍不住流淚了
家人的愛
是同時容納了我的瑕疵
我該拿什么去還他們
我的任性與無知
有沒有讓愛我的家人哭斷肝腸
我不曉得
因為他們讓我看到的
是無限的包容
無限的關懷
無限的容忍
和無限的愛

該回家了吧
我這個孽子的歸期
該不遠了吧

A review of all Malaysian laws governing homosexual behaviour- Chapter 1

How many of us know our legal rights?
How many of us realize that " love" and " passion" that we have for another man will eventually lead us to criminal offences in the eyes of the law?
Yes, you are free to tell me -as a friend of yours , you do not know or realise that. But, in our legal system, our courts will not allow you to say so. Believe me or not,"Ignorant of law" can never be a good defence in our legal system. You are expected to know the laws, all of them.

This article is the first in a series of articles that I intend to publish for the benefit of all of us,in Malaysia.

CHAPTER 1: CRIMINAL LAW
The Penal Code, is the Act of Parliament that spells out our substantive criminal law. The important provisions in the Penal Code that you should know are Sections 377A, 377B and 377D. Those provisions are reproduced here with some brief explanations :

“ Section 377A. Carnal intercourse against the order of nature
Any person who has sexual connection with another person by the introduction of the penis into the anus or mouth of the other person is said to commit carnal intercourse against the order of nature.Explanation--Penetration is sufficient to constitute the sexual connection necessary to the offence described in this section. “


“Section 377B. Punishment for committing carnal intercourse against the order of nature
Whoever voluntarily commits carnal intercourse against the order of nature shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to twenty years, and shall also be liable to whipping.”


The rationale behind the above provisions was originally based on English criminal law which sought to prohibit the act of sodomy.

Points to note:
1. The term "carnal intercourse against the order of nature" between individuals has been interpreted to include anal sex and fellatio, or commonly known as oral sex .
2. The issues of “location” and “age” are not addressed in the provisions. From legal precedent, two consenting adults performing anal or oral sex in private does not
constitute a defence.
3. The maximum sentence for conviction is twenty years' imprisonment with whipping. Imprisonment is mandatory.

4. Some of the Malaysian cases related to these sections are as follows:

Case Name: Kesavan a/l Senderan v Public Prosecutor
Year: 1998
Acts involved: Fellatio, anal
Sentence: 7 years' imprisonment, no whipping because over 50 years of age


Case Name: Public Prosecutor v Dato' Seri Anwar Bin Ibrahim & Anor
Year: 2001
Acts involved: anal
Sentence: Dato' Seri Anwar -9 years' imprisonment
Sukma-six years' imprisonment and 2 strokes on the first charge and 6 years imprisonment and 2 strokes on the second charge. The sentence of imprisonment to run concurrently
(Note:Both sentences were set aside by Federal Court in 2004)


Section 377D of the Penal Code reads:
“Section 377D. Outrages on decency
Any person who, in public or private, commits, or abets the commission of, or procures or attempts to procure the commission by any person of, any act of gross indecency with another person, shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to two years.”

Section 377D is to criminalise all other non-penetrative sexual acts between men.' Gross Indecency' is a broad term. The term is yet to be discussed in our courts, however it may include mutual masturbation, genital contact, or even lewd behaviour without direct physical contact. Similar to section 377A , performing such acts by two consenting adults in private does not constitute a defence. the maximum sentence for conviction is two years imprisonment . Imprisonment is mandatory
The most recent Malaysian case related to this section is as follows:
Case Name:Sukma Darmawan Sasmitaat Madja v Pendakwa Raya
Year:1999
Acts: anal
Sentence:6 months' imprisonment

Now, take note of this: Homosexual is NOT illegal in Malaysia BUT the homosexual acts, which considered “against the order of nature” by Sections 377A,B and D of our Penal Code, are.

懸心

秋天讀越洋短訊﹐有股說不盡的暖意
特別是你的
懂嗎﹐收到你的短訊我還有心跳
我記得初次見你你才19歲
那是多年以前的記憶了
在那個青滋的年代
我的年輕與無知錯過了你

多年後﹐我們在Green Lotus 再次相遇
我其實不懂那19歲的孩子是當時的你
"你就是我要找的人"你是這樣告訴我的
我記得那段日子你似乎每一天都在Lot 10等我下班
聽我埋怨累人的律師生涯﹐繁重的法律文件
"我可以和你在一起嗎?"
幾個 月後﹐ 你 通過電話 問我
那是一個漫長的夜
我的答案讓你心碎了
我何嘗不是也暗自流淚
我是千萬個不願意拒絕你
只是我與Billy那段錯誤的越洋戀情還沒有個了結
我拿什么來愛你

往事阿﹐總是懸心的
忘不了你對我的柔情
謝謝你
這些年來﹐ 你仍給我發短訊
好想你
特別是在秋天

說不出口

3.30am
電視播放着<孽子>
信仔躺在我的沙發哭紅了眼
是為了李青還是為了Anthony
我們都心知肚明
愛一個人不容易
更何況對方是Anthony
“你和醫生怎麼了?”他莫名其妙的問了一句
醫生? 啊 !他們指的是Eng-H,我的朋友們都是如此叫他
“沒了”我談談的回了一句
他有些驚訝
是的,我都沒告訴他們
“那為什麼你不接受P?”
為 什 么
我望着電視的熒幕,說不出口
我的答案會令任何認識P的人覺得殘忍
“你不能再愛了嗎?”信仔問着
我不能嗎
我記得多年前我拒絕Gary了之後 J-Cheng以同樣的口吻責問過我
我當時的答案讓他鄙視了我一段日子

其實說真的國勇過後我到底有再愛過嗎 ?
和Ben 的那一段能開始是緣會份, 分手是無奈
和小開的那一段在一起是責任,分開則是覺悟
和Billy 的那一段 我肯定是寂寞在主腦,而我們的分開我是主謀他是幫凶
和Eng-H的那一小段,是年少的堅持
他的退出我是不舍多于難過
我在KLCC與他的偶遇,是我最珍貴的回憶
畢竟一生中有多少人會讓你因他的出現而停止呼吸?
時間多常 久會在他出現的那一瞬間停頓下來
那種感覺是亙古的,該叫它什 么?我說不出來,"愛"不是適 合的字 眼
而我真的在國勇過後就不曾再愛嗎?
不是
不可能
但 。 。 愛是什么?
我說不出口
我真的說不出口